Cho Hakkai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reformedsinner) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thegalley_tlv2022-08-16 08:25 pm
reformedsinner) wrote in thegalley_tlv2022-08-16 08:25 pm
Entry tags:
[002.b. - spam/network]
cw: eye & hand injury, likely some self-destructive thought processes in tags
[open/spam, the infirmary]
Gonou does not fight back when his punishment is given, nor when it is carried out. The Infirmary is busy, the cries of pain from the beds around him disorienting; he gets up, after a few minutes of rest have cleared his head enough that he doesn't think he'll fall, and tries to find his way to a seat away from the beds. He's slow and clumsy, his one good hand held out in front of him to avoid running into anything important. Eventually, he finds a wall, and turns to plant his back against it and sit down there.
He hopes he's out of the way. He'll just -- take a little time to rest, here, and hope that at some point someone will arrive who's able and willing to take him back to his room.
[open/spam, afterwards]
He's been assigned to hard labor at the oars, but even though he heals a little faster in this body than he had in a human one, the stump of a hand takes more than a few days to heal over enough for a prosthetic to be fitted on it. He's spending a fair amount of time in his room, practicing mapping the space, practicing listening. He's trying to keep his fresher socket cleaned and bandaged; he knows the routine, even if it's harder one-handed, and harder still blind.
He goes to meals. His ears flick with paranoid speed when he's in a crowded room, trying to track the multiplicity of sounds around him, trying to feel out the echoes of the space; sometimes he walks into something, and sometimes this means he drops the tray he has to balance in one hand. When he does, grimly determined, he'll drop to his knees and do his best to clean it up.
Once or twice, he's allowed into the yard, but he finds that space even more overwhelming than the mess hall, and lingers very close to the door, keeping his head down.
After the first week, he adds rotations on the oars. Wherever he's seated, quietly, he'll ask the name of the person beside him.
Network, audio, a few days after the mutiny
[Gonou's voice is soft, a little hoarse. He just has one thing to ask:]
Who's still alive?
... Please don't reply in text.
[open/spam, the infirmary]
Gonou does not fight back when his punishment is given, nor when it is carried out. The Infirmary is busy, the cries of pain from the beds around him disorienting; he gets up, after a few minutes of rest have cleared his head enough that he doesn't think he'll fall, and tries to find his way to a seat away from the beds. He's slow and clumsy, his one good hand held out in front of him to avoid running into anything important. Eventually, he finds a wall, and turns to plant his back against it and sit down there.
He hopes he's out of the way. He'll just -- take a little time to rest, here, and hope that at some point someone will arrive who's able and willing to take him back to his room.
[open/spam, afterwards]
He's been assigned to hard labor at the oars, but even though he heals a little faster in this body than he had in a human one, the stump of a hand takes more than a few days to heal over enough for a prosthetic to be fitted on it. He's spending a fair amount of time in his room, practicing mapping the space, practicing listening. He's trying to keep his fresher socket cleaned and bandaged; he knows the routine, even if it's harder one-handed, and harder still blind.
He goes to meals. His ears flick with paranoid speed when he's in a crowded room, trying to track the multiplicity of sounds around him, trying to feel out the echoes of the space; sometimes he walks into something, and sometimes this means he drops the tray he has to balance in one hand. When he does, grimly determined, he'll drop to his knees and do his best to clean it up.
Once or twice, he's allowed into the yard, but he finds that space even more overwhelming than the mess hall, and lingers very close to the door, keeping his head down.
After the first week, he adds rotations on the oars. Wherever he's seated, quietly, he'll ask the name of the person beside him.
Network, audio, a few days after the mutiny
[Gonou's voice is soft, a little hoarse. He just has one thing to ask:]
Who's still alive?
... Please don't reply in text.
Re: Mess hall
Gonou clears his throat, embarrassed, and closes his hand around Jedao's in a gently possessive gesture.
"Well," he murmurs. "I couldn't find your lips."
He tilts his head just a little, inviting Jedao to find his instead.
no subject
"Shut up, who said you were allowed to be smooth," he murmurs after, warm and close.
no subject
He takes another ragged breath.
"I should tell you," he says, very quietly indeed, "that Xie Lian and I are-- trying something, tomorrow morning." They're facing each other, their lips should be hidden from the mirror -- wherever it is. As long as he keeps his voice quiet enough to be mistaken for murmuring endearments, Warren won't overhear anything he'd be demoted for missing.
no subject
"Trying what?"
no subject
"The Courtroom is locked down to Prisoners, outside of court. So I've asked Daniel to take both Xie Lian and myself there and accuse us of minor crimes. Myself, stealing his weapon; Xie Lian, possession of his weapon. We'll try to stretch out the proceedings."
He takes a deep breath. "If there's no moment while we're there when our powers reactivate, then we'll both just have a few more days on the oars. If there is -- he'll go for the Gavel, and I'll stop Daniel from interfering." Not that he thinks Daniel will, but openly failing to interfere would get him in trouble, too.
no subject
no subject
"And I don't know if Xie Lian can do it, either... but he is a god," he says, his thumb moving softly, restlessly over Jedao's knuckles like rosary beads.
"If he thinks it's possible, he may be right."
no subject
He has to breathe; he - he doesn't have to breathe - wait, yes he does, he's only as tough as a human right now and he needs to breathe -
"What I am. Is. Like the barges, maybe. I'm not a god, but I could - navigate, maybe. In the places we're in." Which possibility has been chewing at his brain since Rawne mentioned taking them somewhere. "I'm not a god, but -"
no subject
(even if I survive, Xie Lian had said to him, I won't be the same--)
He's agreed to this once already for his Warden, knowing Xie Lian would have done it with or without his help, and the idea of Jedao making the same choice makes him feel like he's trying to breathe around a sucking chest wound. Pressure collapses his lungs, and he struggles to inhale.
"He thinks it will turn him into something other than himself," he says, softly, "even if he can succeed." His voice is dead calm; it sounds like someone else's.
He can't quite bring himself to say, please don't, but he wants to, desperately.
no subject
"I could feel the other side, then. I could hear the songs of the stars and feel the rippling passage of unnamed devourers. He was ancient, and exquisite, and I did kill him."
No one else will ever love you. That was the last thing Kujen ever said to him. Jedao supposes Kujen always did underestimate his capacity for deceit.
"I'm small, compared to these ships. I'm an infant. I don't think I would succeed. But when it changed me - I don't think it would change me into someone else." He's already someone else; whoever he might become, full of mothmind and corpselight - Jedao thinks that might be more him.
"I won't try unless it really seems like we're all going to die otherwise," he promises. But if, say, the troubles with the air get worse -
cw suicidal ideation
Jedao had told him that he wasn't human, either. Gonou hadn't understood how much more he'd meant he was.
Hating every word as he forms it, he whispers, "If you try... let me have your back when you do."
If they would all die but for Jedao following everyone else who's thrown themselves into the meat grinder of the Courtroom, and Jedao has a strength that gives him a chance to succeed-- then how can Gonou say no? How could he say, die beside me instead of dying for all of us?
That's not a real choice. He almost wants to say it anyway. Almost wants to let himself be selfish, with this one person, the second love he'd thought he'd never be capable of.
"Let me help you," he says, instead, the dead calm ebbing away to leave his voice small and raw.
And then, if Jedao's wrong and the Galley destroys him despite their affinity, at least Gonou will be right there. At least he'll know when it's time for him to lose the fight.
Re: cw suicidal ideation
He cups Gonou's face on both sides, tangible emphasis, and kisses him again, quick and deep and desperate.
"Deal?"
Re: cw suicidal ideation
"I'll be careful. And if you can help -- I'll ask."
Re: cw suicidal ideation
"Together. One way or another."
Re: cw suicidal ideation